Ramblings

I just returned from a two week trip to Ghana, where I spent my time volunteering in an orphanage in a small village. The experience was eye-opening and difficult. The culture, their way of life, the way these people, big and small, face adversity, is incredible to watch. They literally have next to nothing, yet they are praising God for their lives. They are so grateful for the limited quality of education that they do receive. People here take education for granted, children spend their time wishing they didn't have to go to school, such a boring place. These children would give everything they have (which isn't much) to have the school books they need to get an education.

Since I returned home two weeks ago, I've been thinking so much about my time in Ghana and the people I met there, particularly one girl. She is 11 years old and has been at the orphanage for less than one year- her father was imprisoned for the next 15 years and she had no other family to claim her. She was like my Ghanaian soul sister- caring, funny, loves science and reading, has great dance moves, and always smiling. I wish I could have taken her home with me and given her a much better life than the one I know she will continue to have for the next 7 years, full of uncertainty about whether she will get the medical care and education that she needs. Not to mention she has no family to speak of, no one to tell her "I love you" at night and to make sure she is thriving. Not for lack of trying- upon researching Ghana's adoption laws, it is clear I am ineligible to adopt her, as are my parents. It breaks my heart that I had to walk away from her and leave her there, know very well that I may never cross paths with her again.

The most difficult part of being home, I have found, is that people don't understand. Don't get me wrong, many friends and family have asked to hear about my trip, have listened to stories, some with more apparent interest than others. Many even donated money to help these children and for that I am very grateful. I guess I just feel as though there is no way for me to adequately describe what life was like there, and there is no way one can really, truly get it unless you have seen it yourself. As a result, I think that if I truly shared my thoughts about my experience, fully and openly, many people would write it off as me simply being overly-emotional about it, or "obsessed" with my trip, etc. Since returning, I think about my Ghanaian sister EVERY single day, multiple times, many times tearful because there is simply nothing more I can do for her at this point and I desperately want to do more.

I feel like my life here is so underwhelming now. I knew this experience would change MY life, but it's left me feeling like my current day to day life is so small and silly. Working my 3 twelve hour shifts, appeasing my patients, coming home to my house in this small town with nothing around, and very few people to spend time with.... I'm not DOING anything. It makes me want to totally change my career path and do something that has an IMPACT on the world... but I feel like I'm pigeon-holed into being a nurse now that I've paid all this money for my education. But what if just being a nurse isn't fulfilling? Because right now, it sure as hell isn't... I feel like I want to maybe work in health, but on more of an education level, in terms of working with a human rights or international health organization to improve communities, whether in the US or abroad. I feel like this trip has solidified something that I've been interested in for a long time, but now I know I'm passionate about, I just have no idea how to go about getting involved in that sort of career. I just know I need to take steps to do that soon, because I feel so useless and unimportant having returned home from Ghana to my protected, comfortable, boring life. And every day I don't actually do something about it, this little fire inside me grows and frankly, it's driving me crazy thinking about it all the time and feeling stuck with no action to take.